SELF-COMPASSION: HOW DO I TREAT A FRIEND?
Cultivating a state of loving,
connected presence can change
our relationship with ourselves
and the world around us.
The three essential elements of self-compassion is loving (self-kindness), connected (common humanity) presence (mindfulness). When we are in the mind state of loving, connected presence, our relationship to ourselves, others, and the world is transformed.
TRY THIS EXERCISE FOR SELF-COMPASSION
How do I treat a friend?
1. Close your eyes and reflect for a moment on the following question:
Think about various times when you’ve had a close friend who was struggling in some way—had a misfortune, failed, or felt inadequate— and you were feeling pretty good about yourself. How do you typically respond to your friends in such situations? What do you say? What tone do you use? How is your posture? Nonverbal gestures? Write down what you discovered.
2. Now close your eyes again and reflect on the next question:
Think about various times when you were struggling in some way—had a misfortune, failed, or felt inadequate. How do you typically respond to yourself in these situations? What do you say? What tone do you use? Your posture? Nonverbal gestures? Write down what you discovered.
3. Finally, consider the differences between how you treat your close friends when they are struggling and how you treat yourself. Do you notice any patterns?
Reflection:
What came up for you while doing this practice? When they do this exercise many people are shocked at how badly they treat themselves compared to their friends. If you are one of these people, you are not alone. Preliminary data suggests that the vast majority of people are more compassionate to others than to themselves. Our culture doesn’t encourage us to be kind to ourselves, so we need to intentionally practice changing our relationship with ourselves in order to counter the habits of a lifetime.
SOURCE: Kristin Neff, Christopher Germer - The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook