The nature of Emotional Abuse.
What is Emotional Abuse?
It is a pattern of behaviour in which the perpetrator insults, humiliates and generally instils fear in an individual in order to control them. The individual’s reality may become distorted as they internalize the abuse as their own failings.
It can happen in a range of interpersonal contexts, including parental, romantic, or professional relationships.
Signs of emotional abuse vary from subtle to obvious.
The behaviour centres around control, manipulation, isolation, and demeaning or threatening behaviour. Signs of abuse include:
Monitoring and controlling a person’s behaviour, such as who they spend time with or how they spend money.
Threatening a person’s safety, property, or loved ones.
Isolating a person from family, friends, and acquaintances.
Demeaning, shaming, or humiliating a person.
Extreme jealousy, accusations, and paranoia.
Delivering constant criticism.
Regular ridicule or teasing.
Making acceptance of care conditional on a person’s choices.
Refusing to allow a person to spend time alone.
Thwarting a person’s professional or personal goals.
Instilling self-doubt and worthlessness.
Gaslighting: making a person question their competence and even their basic perceptual experiences.
Perpetrators consistently criticize, shame, and humiliate in order to gain control and power in a relationship. They may yell, call names, or level baseless accusations against a victim. They may act jealous and possessive, monitoring the person’s whereabouts and communication by checking their phone. They may gaslight the victim into believing that their unhappiness is their own fault. They seek to isolate the person from friends and family to prevent them from getting a reality check or broader perspective.
Emotional abuse and physical abuse sometimes co-occur, but not always. However, emotional abuse often precedes physical violence, which only begins after a perpetrator’s emotional assaults tactics fail to control a person’s behaviour.
Often the victim does not recognize the harmful patterns of abuse, because abusers are often skilled manipulators. Victims may get convinced that they are to blame for the problems in the relationship.
Who becomes an abuser?
Abusers deny their harmful patterns of behaviour and blame their victims. They tend to be possessive, hypersensitive, and have a strong need for control, which motivates them to wield power in the relationship.
This may stem from deep insecurities or mental health conditions, such as antisocial personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder.
Consequences for a victim.
People who suffer emotional abuse can experience short-term difficulties such as confusion, fear, difficulty concentrating, low confidence, nightmares, aches and a racing heart, Long term repercussions may include anxiety, insomnia, social withdrawal.
Victims may become worn down so that they cannot see the harmful dynamics clearly. They may believe the relationship’s difficulties are their own fault. They may spend time ruminating and bargaining, considering how they can adapt their behaviour or avoid confrontation. They may struggle with problems of self-esteem, anxiety and depression.
Emotional abuse to children can lead to emotional pain, anxiety, depression, self-criticism, low self-esteem, ad difficulty forming stable and trusting relationships.
On the other hand, research suggests that turbulent childhood can yield great strength. People raised in stressful childhoods - whether due to poverty, abuse, neglect, or other circumstances - may have enhanced cognitive flexibility, showcasing the ability to adapt, take risks and tolerate ambiguity.
Why do people stay?
Constant accusations and harassment can wear down the victim and lead to distorted thoughts such as believing that she/he “deserves it” or that emotional abuse is not “real abuse”. Fear, damaged self-worth, concern for children or the family, financial constraints, and other factors can lead victims to stay in abusive relationships.
How to recover:
Confront the reality, and acknowledge that circumstances will not change. Become educated about emotional abuse, realize that the abuse is not your fault, and take time to recover your self-worth.
Ask for and accept help from family, friends, or a therapist.
The process of recovery consists of:
Processing the experience.
Rebuilding self-esteem.
Addressing the symptoms (anxiety, insomnia).
Resolving to prioritize oneself over any potential abuse in the future.
Responding to triggers of past pain with self-compassion.
Adapted from:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/emotional-abuse
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