After 30 years of counselling married couples, Gary Chapman concluded that there are five love languages - 5 ways people speak and understand emotional love. Of course, the number of ways to express love to your partner within one language is limited only by your imagination.

He suggests that “in love” emotional high lasts for roughly first two years in any relationship. Then we land back on earth, where socks go amiss during laundry, drawers don’t close themselves, where arguments rotate around which way the toilet sit should be and who is throwing the trash out - the real life of a married couple. 

In real life marriage - it requires some effort to keep good relationships with the partner. 

Here are some ideas within each of five categories:

1. Words of affirmation:

• Give a different complement to your partner each day of the month. 

• As you go about your day, look for words of affirmations other people use. Write them down and select those you could use for your partner. Try them!

• Write a love letter, a love paragraph or a sentence to them and give it quietly or with a fanfare. 

• Complement them in the presence of their relatives or friends. You will get double credit. 

• Look for your partner’s strengths and tell them how much you appreciate those. 

  2. Quality time:

• Take a walk together through the old neighbourhood where one of you grew up. Ask questions about their childhood. 

• Go to the park and rent bicycles. Ride, then sit and watch the ducks. 

• Make a luncheon appointment with your partner. Go to the park (or balcony), eat your sandwiches and share with each other one thing you would like to do in this life. 

• Ask them for a list of five activities they would enjoy doing with you. Then, make plans to do one of them each month for the next five months. 

• Make time every day to share some of the events of the day with each other. 

  3. Gifts:

• Try a parade of gifts: Leave a box of candy for your partner in the morning; have flowers delivered in the afternoon; give them a shirt in the evening.

• The next time you take a walk outside, keep your eyes open for a gift for your spouse. It may be a stone, a stick, or a flower to which you can attach a special meaning.

• Make a gift for your spouse with your hands. 

• Keep a “Gift Idea Notebook.” Every time you hear them say: “I really like that,” or “Oh, I would really like to have one of those!” write it down in your notebook.

• Give a lasting tribute. Give a substantial gift to your spouse’s church or favourite charity in honour of her birthday, your anniversary, or another occasion. 

  4. Acts of Service:

• Make a list of all the requests your partner has made of you over the past few weeks. Select one of these each week and do it as an expression of love.

• Do some major acts of service like washing the car, cooking a meal, painting a bedroom, or washing the deck, and then post a sign that reads, “To (their name) with love,” and sign your name.

• Ask your partner to tell you the daily acts of service that would really speak love to them.

  5. Physical touch:

• Hold their hand when you walk together.

• Hug your partner and tell them you love them often.

• Give random shoulder massages.

• A kiss for goodbye and hello.

For more thoughts on love languages, see the book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman. 

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